Asking for Help

I will say this, I have never taken help. Not from anybody. Not really. There were times when I would call my parents for $20 to buy some groceries. Or I would ask my brother to help me move. But I never have asked for serious help.

My current situation does not just include me. It is also about Anabelle. And I need to do what is best for her. You see, I lost my job not too long ago. My mom passed away suddenly and very unexpectedly. She was hit by a drunk driver, on her way home from work. It is pretty obvious, I needed to go home. Home for me, is roughly 790 miles away.

I went into work and explained it to them. But it didn't really matter. Because of the economy, my job was on the line. If I went home, I lost my job. But how could I miss my own momma's funeral? I couldn't!!! My brother couldn't be there, he is in Iraq. Fighting for our country. And I couldn't let my dad go through this alone. I went home.

Now I'm without a job. I tried to get help. I didn't think it was right, what the bank did to me. I worked at a bank. I can't get unemployment, because they are saying that I quit. Because I just didn't show up. Even though I talked to them beforehand. I definitely can't hire an attorney. I did go see a law office here in town. They help people with law services. But I would still have to come up with some money up front. I can't afford it.

My brother knows about my current situation. I cried when I got a letter in the mail from him 2 weeks ago. He sent me money to cover my rent until December. I know that he can't really afford it. But he is helping me, as much as he can. And I have gone on so many job interviews that I can't even count the number. But no luck. None!!! Each interview is for 1 job, and 30 of us show up!!! I have been out of a job for 6 weeks. And my bank account has very little left.

Moni finally convinced me to go apply for help. I have always felt weird about public assistance. I always felt like there was someone more worthy, more in need of the help. Someone who needed it much more than me. But I applied for food stamps, WIC, and for some housing assistance. I got $150 in food stamps and WIC for Anabelle. The housing assistance, I'm on a waiting list. This will help a lot!!! I am very grateful for the help.

I just need to find a job. I don't care if I have to work at McDonald's making french fries. Or if I am scrubbing toilets somewhere. My baby needs to eat. And she needs to live in a warm home. I haven't been able to get any kind of help from her dad. I'm still waiting on the first child support payment. Anabelle is 19 months old!!! I guess we will wait until she is 18. I don't know about him!

For now, God is providing for us. We have enough money to eat. And thanks to my brother, we have our rent paid for a while. I also have 3 dear friends who are helping me with things for Anabelle. They just don't understand how grateful I am to them. Lola sends toys and she sent Anabelle some winter clothes. Maggie has given me some clothes and shoes, that her girls have outgrown. And Moni, well she just surprises us with things that she knows we need. Like shampoo and milk!!! I am so lucky to have them in my corner!!!

It has been a tough 6 weeks. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed. But I have a little girl who is depending on her momma. I'm the only person she has to depend on. I have to be strong for her. I don't mind doing without. Just as long as she has what she needs. If going to bed hungry will allow for her to eat, I will do it every single night. She is my world. And sometimes, you just have to ask for a little help to get by. <3